It is one of the greatest presumptions and violations of another to ever think that YOU knows what’s best for him or her. A couple of years ago, a good friend of mine scolded me in the middle of a tirade about my desire to change someone, telling me that none of us can EVER really knows what another person needs.

This stopped me cold, and when I considered it, it made perfect sense. Yet, it is so easy to project our values and beliefs and preferences onto another. We assume that because it is good for us, it must be good for others. However, when you go deeper, you see that the people in your life are not that simple, not by a long shot.

Think about it. How receptive are they when you impose your will onto them? Not very. No one likes advice, unless it is solicited. Unfortunately, the impulse to throw advice at someone in trouble, comes up and is difficult to resist. We only want to be helpful, we claim. Perhaps. But I think we also like agreement and validation that our way is the right way.

Then there is the uncharted territory that lies in the depths of the subconscious. This is our forbidden zone, invisible even to us most of the time, and yet powerful in its impact on our lives. It is not a place for meddling or to push into uninvited. Yet so many self-help gurus, ignorant or at least, disrespectful of this sacred hot spot, do exactly that–pushing people too fast, churning up old wounds, tearing down precious structures, and leaving massive fallout in their wake with no clue how to put the pieces back together.

What it comes down to is this: trusting the process of our path, as well as the path of others, no matter how much stumbling and suffering accompanies it. Who are we to rob someone else of their lessons? It only delays the inevitable, perhaps even makes it worse when one finally encounters it.

There is so much of life that we cannot see or know. It’s part of the great mystery. It is too vast and large to grasp the methods and workings in its entirety. Instead, we must settle for our small viewpoint of the whole. Therefore, it behooves us to reign in our tendencies to want others to confirm to our will for them.

Let them be. Let them have their experiences. Let them learn by doing.

Not easy, I know, especially if you’re a parent. Stepping out of the way and allowing our children to stumble and fall, helps them learn how to walk, and to find their balance and their strength. Overdoing for others, only cripples them and restricts their ability to move and grow. It makes them dependent and weak. No parent really wants that. However, most of us naturally want to relieve the suffering and heartache of those we love.

A delicate balance, to say the least. In the end, I have found that giving people enough space to move, but letting them know you believe in them works pretty well. We all want support, but no one can live our lives for us. Nor would we want them to. Occasionally, when we can’t walk, we may need someone to carry us for awhile. But eventually, we need to stand on our own two feet. Then down the road, someone may need us to carry them for awhile. It’s part of the interdependence we all need to survive.

In the meantime, though, let us stay our of each other’s way a bit, so there’s more room to move for all of us.

A house is a metaphor for consciousness. It represents the structure of our lives. Sometimes that structure becomes unstable or the foundation becomes weak. Sometimes the roof needs to be repaired or it needs a new paint job. Sometimes we decide to renovate part of it or make it bigger.

Some of us stay in the same place for years. Others move from place to place. Each has its wisdom and its downside.

What does your house or structure say about you? What do the contents of that structure say? How attached are you to that structure? How much do you identify with it?

I see the structure of our lives as the beliefs, ideas, concepts, values and perceptions we have. Much of that structure was imparted to us by parents, family members, teachers, neighbors, the media, etc. Very little is based in original thought.

I see this structure as a bunch of sentences, statements and equations that we carry around with us wherever we go. These statements make up the filter through which we view our world, they are the foundation upon which we base our decisions, and they are our greatest source of suffering.

To see what structure you’re carrying around, you can begin by simply noticing what you think and what you say to others. Pay attention to statements that have the words “always” and “never” in them as well as statements that contain absolutes in them or assert a position around anything. These types of statements are rigid and typically hold a lot of power in their ability to influence your behavior.

There have been studies that show that we limit ourselves to thinking repeating thoughts throughout the day. Our range is rather small. You might not notice this until you start to pay attention to these thoughts. Think of them as a ticker tape running through your life all day and night. Doesn’t it make sense to find out what you actually think and believe?

Once you do, you may not like what you see and you may have the impulse to burn it down. Those underlying feelings of discontent, restlessness, agitation and depression are the current of life pulsing through your being pushing you to grow beyond these stale, outworn beliefs, most of which were adopted from other people anyway and may not even be authentic for you.

Are you more than the sum total of your history? Of  course you are. But you may never know who you really are with all that clutter and debris in the way.

So I say, by all means burn it down. Or at least open the windows, let in some light and start throwing stuff out. Literally toss it out the windows if you can. Make room for what’s real and authentic. The rest was only borrowed anyway. Let it go. Free yourself up.  Move into the future with a lighter load.

Without the past weighing you down you open yourself up to new possibilities, new choices and ways of being not available to the person you believed you were. Wipe the slate clean. Start over. Surprise people with the new you. Release the worry about what others will think, say and do. Trust your voice above all others.

Once you burn down your old house, you are then free to build a new one. Perhaps you will choose to build a less solid structure this time. Perhaps you will live in a tent or a yurt for awhile. Perhaps you will become nomadic and experience a multitude of new structures without building one of your own for awhile.

Whatever you decide, you will know that you can no longer return to what was. You can honor the past and grieve its loss, but there is no going back. Letting go of your personal history–your story–is a powerful act of rebellion. It is when you become the greatest advocate for yourself. You reclaim and retrieve what is needed and walk away from the rest. This does not mean that you cut all ties, but rather it means that you rise above those biographical, ancestral limitations and allow yourself to express yourself as you really are.

Unencumbered by the past, you are free to become a child again. You become open and receptive and teachable again. The mind and heart become energized by having new options, and being no longer restricted by our thoughts of what we can and cannot do or have or be.

This childlike state makes life feel magical and exciting. This is where we find joy. Most of us had glimpses of this simple feeling when we were children, but over time it got crushed by all the responsibilities and duties and obligations to participate in the societal machine.

We can say no to this freedom killer and yes to ourselves. We can burn down the old ways and build anew. All it takes is the desire and the courage to be free above all else. Once we have that desire, the rest will take care of itself.

Begin now by paying attention to your thoughts and words. Take nothing at face value. Question everything. Before long, you will notice your being begins to stir as if awakening from a long sleep. You will be breathing new life into an old structure. This is the invitation your being was waiting for. Now follow it where it wants to go. You will be amazed at where it takes you.

Life is a wonder and a mystery. We move through it under the strong illusion that we have some degree of control of it or at least our personal corner. On the surface at least, we don’t, and life does not hesitate to remind of this regularly.

But there is something deeper here…a paradox to be sure. There is a deep place within us that is connected to the Whole of ALL THAT IS. It is in this connection that we can tap into something deeper. This is the place where we can see the bigger picture and recognize the Divine Perfection all around us. It is the place where we can laugh at what is unfolding and not take it so seriously. This is also the place where we can get freed up of all of that drama and biographical, genetic, ancestral and societal baggage we keep dragging around with us.

As small children, we are powerfully imprinted by our early experiences, both good and bad. It is where our first impressions of love, relationships and the world are made. Depending on whether those early experiences were positive and uplifting or dark and traumatic or somewhere in between, they shape our perception and ways of navigating through the world.

If we grow up on a starvation diet devoid of much attention and affection, that becomes our normal because we don’t know what a full meal tastes like. Because it feels normal, we will tend to perpetuate that diet and attract people and circumstances into our lives that only partially feed us.

To stop carrying those early imprints with us, we need to heal and release the thoughts and beliefs about the world they created. Often they are so much a part of us, that we cannot even see them. But in spite of their invisibility, they shape and influence every decision we make.

For someone who is used to being deprived, learning to receive love and attention and affection, is a major healing event. It is a process of unwinding and unraveling all of those deeply ingrained ways of being, reacting and moving and opening the channel for a new level of aliveness.

In order to do what it believes will keep us safe, our subconscious sabotages all of our desires and needs and deep cravings to grow and change. This saboteur affects everything we do. To really heal these subterranean levels of fear, we need to connect with something greater. To reduce the imagined threat of releasing our old way of being, we need to remember who we are.

This is nothing short of dying to what was and being reborn to what is. It is where we will find real freedom. It is where we will find our authentic voice. It is where we will learn what it means to be alive.

We, perhaps for the first time, will be back in the driver’s seat of our lives, rather than feeling like some rogue part of ourselves is behind the wheel.

This is not really about control, but rather surrender and allowing and being with what is at a very high level of acceptance. Control is about the need to survive. When we begin to taste freedom, we no longer feel in danger and so no longer need to control things. We are no longer out of alignment with what is before us and what is unfolding. The feeling of being out of sync was simply all that noise from our subconscious trying to survive what it perceived to be a very confusing world.

There are many modalities that allow us to release our early scripts and beliefs. When we are ready to really let go, we will find them.

In the meantime, take a look at your circumstances and relationships. Notice any repeating themes or patterns? Feelings of powerlessness and frustration? A sense of moving ten steps forward and two back? A gnawing feeling of being victimized, but with no clue how to shake the feeling or change your circumstances?

That’s it. Keep paying attention to it. Call it forth from the shadows into the light of day. Watch what happens when a little bit of awareness creeps in. The power and intensity starts to diminish. Exposure is half the battle.

It’s as if you’ve discovered a few stowaways living inside of you…long-term house guests, and it’s time to show them the door.

For that you may need help, because these squatters aren’t usually so keen on leaving. They will do anything to convince you they are helping you and that you cannot survive without them. An objective person can help you to hold steady and not be swayed or undermined by such tactics.

Sometimes you have to sneak up on them and trick them into leaving. Whatever it takes, whatever modalities you choose, by all means stand firm. Give them a hug, thank them for serving you, but don’t forget to lock the door once they’re gone.

Photo by Julian Fann

Now + Here = Nowhere

There is Nowhere to go…there is only Here…Now

Here Now…Now Here…No-Where…

There is No-Thing to do…only Nothing…the Void that is filled with
the illusion of Some-Things…

There is No-body to be…only Nobody…the Void that is filled with the
illusion of Some-Bodies…

From this place of Nowhere, Nothing and Nobody…from this Void…comes
the IS-NESS that is Every-Thing…Everything that IS…the IS-NESS that
is Every-where…Everywhere that IS…

No Separate-ness…No Separation…No-Thing Separate…No-Where
Separate…No-Body Separate…

What IS as IS…

This IS…That IS…There IS…

It IS…

No-Thing-ness as Some-Thing-ness…

One Thing…All Things…Every-Thing…

Being One-Thing…Being Every-thing…Being No-thing

All of IT and None of IT…

IT IS…IT IS NOT…

ONE-NESS…ALL-NESS…IS-NESS

I AM

WE ARE

THEY ARE

Now Here…

No-Where…No-Thing…No-Body…

Everywhere…Everything…Everybody…

I, You, We, Us, Them, Him, Her, It…

Words to hold us in Time and Space…Some-Thing to grab onto…

Some-Thing…Some-Body…Some-One…Some-Place…

Any-Thing…Any-Body…Any-One…Any-Place…

As long as WE ARE HERE…

NOW…

Words…

Just words…

No-Thing more…

I’ve been watching the first season of David Lynch’s show, Twin Peaks. It’s been years since the show aired and yet, during all that time, I somehow missed it. I’ve seen many of his movies, so I was prepared for the intensity and the dark-angled view of life’s edges and eccentricities and outright naked rawness through which he turns the lens on humanity. The recognizable musical arrangements as well as his absolute obsession with the colors green and red, make the show familiar territory for any Lynch fan.

However, two things struck me.

The first is that the show is set in fictional Twin Peaks, Washington, but was filmed in North Bend, Washington, a half an hour away from Seattle, where I now live. Now granted I’ve only been in the actual town once, but I walked around it quite a bit and ate in the very café which serves as the centerpiece of many scenes in the show. I have also been to the falls that appear in a few shots as well as a backdrop for the opening credits.

The second is Lynch’s uncanny ability to brutally and without apology penetrate through the superficial levels of human niceties and get right to the ribbon of uniqueness that sets each on of us apart. He seems to hold a parallel fascination with what holds us together and what separates us in our relationships with each other. He grabs onto the tentacles of our deep-seated alienation and squeezes it for all the blood has can extract. He dips us into the deepest, coldest darkest water he can and holds us there until we admit that we, too, are just as crazy or afraid or odd or horny or dangerous as his characters.

And doing that in the place I now call home makes it all the more alluring (for me) to watch.

In fact, I cannot look away. And he knows it. He’s the Diane Arbus of filmmaking and making us uncomfortable is part of what drives him. This discomfort lands us in territories of feelings and thoughts and even dreams that feel both forbidden and in many ways, we think, better off forgotten. We prefer to skate along the surface of life, ignoring as much as possible, the subterranean murkiness underneath. But like a carnival sideshow barker at the old time fairs, he appeals to our voyeuristic tendencies and beckons us to come and look at the freaks inside the tent.

Of course, the freaks are us.

So then, what is it that draws us inside? Curiosity? Fascination? Empathy? Horror? Probably all of those things. Lynch turns our absolute confusion over life’s meaning on it’s head by showing us the absurdity of those little daily things that most of us most pass by with little or no consciousness. He’s almost screaming at us to wake up and look at the FULL range of human experience, soak it in and look at it in all it’s unadulterated glory.

He wants to immerse us in the full gestalt of life and he does this by exaggerating his characters until they almost become caricatures. This technique shines a big magnifying glass on all the blemishes, quirks, secrets, scars, wounds so that we can really see them. You can actually feel this discomfort on both a physical and an emotional level as it seeps in and spreads over your being like a pool of oily liquid. Then once Lynch has you there, he lingers for awhile, plays with the music or some lighting effects and just makes you wait it out. Because he doesn’t work with the same timing we’re used to with other shows or films. No, he operates in his own self-created world with it’s own set of rules, and by entering into it, you’ve agreed to follow them.

It feels a bit manipulative, but somehow also ingenious. No one even comes close to exploring these realms in the way he does. He is bold and brave and willing to go places few others dare to go.

Which brings me back to where I live. Though I’ve only lived in Washington State for a year, I can see how it was the perfect place to film Twin Peaks. Why? Because as sophisticated as the city of Seattle appears, it, and the area surrounding it, still make up the wild, wild West, and as they have for centuries, people come here to get away from the conventions and restrictions of other parts of the country. There’s more space and less pressure to conform, which can and does result in a fair amount of bizarre behavior. People who might not feel comfortable or fit in somewhere else, might find a cozy little neighborhood or town out here where their odd taste for clothing or strange hobbies and behaviors will be tolerated.

I suppose that’s a good thing. It’s certainly never dull. No, instead, it is lush and ripe with a broad range of human expression, especially when you tune in and are receptive to it. If you’re not sure what I mean by that, try looking at the world around you the way Lynch does. Penetrate the layers. Push past the obvious. Submerge into the depths. And see, really see what is right in front of you. You may be surprised and disturbed by what you see, but at least you will finally be seeing. And that, my friend, is what it means to truly be alive.

Life essentially gives us what we ask for. How do we ask? By what we put forth. Everything that leaves our circle of being…and I do mean everything—our thoughts, emotions, judgments, beliefs—comes back around in some way. We are all connected and there is no place in that field of connection to hide. If we soil the ocean of existence, there is no way to escape accountability for that.

It’s taken me a good many years and many hard life lessons to realize that life has certain rules of operation and the sooner we align with those rules, the easier our lives become. Those rules include showing up to do our part, being fully accountable for ALL of our actions and keeping our corner of existence clean. A tall order, indeed.

Spiritual maturity is not about finding easy answers to life’s problems. It is about meeting what is head on without resistance, embracing it fully with all of its confusion and chaos. It’s also about knowing that life is always a reflection of what is happening inside of us on ALL levels, both conscious and unconscious.

Many people on the spiritual path make the mistake of thinking that prayer and affirmations are enough to shifts things in their lives and the lives of their loved ones. But it takes more than that. Showing up is a big part of manifestation. In order to attract what we want into our lives, we need to demonstrate our desire and willingness to receive it through our actions. It is a way of meeting life halfway. We cannot complain that things are missing from our lives if we aren’t willing to put ourselves forth to meet these things fully. Hiding out in our habitual comfort zones, and then wondering why our lives are so full of lack, makes no sense, but that’s what most of us do. We passively wait for the good to show up for us.

To spiritually mature, we also need to put our attention on our accountability. Many of us are conscientious when it comes to our behavior in the world, but lazy when it comes to our thoughts and emotions and what comes out of our mouths. This won’t fly because everything that moves from us, touches everyone else and eventually comes back and touches us. If you knew that when you spoke a sharp word about someone, it traveled from you and pierced another, would you be so willing to let it go? If you knew that the reason you felt pain at a given time was due to that same sharp word you sent out, would you still allow yourself to be the originator of that pain?

Of course not. But most of us have not cultivated an awareness of that level of accountability yet. If we had, our conversations with others would be quite different, as would our conversations with ourselves.

Finally, how do we clean things up if we do make a mess? It’s quite simple: honesty and forgiveness. Being honest with ourselves and others, taking responsibility and then apologizing for our part in the mess cleans it up. We don’t have to beat ourselves up or even hold onto the mistake, except to receive the lesson it imparts. Rather, it is really only necessary to see it, acknowledge it, clean it up, forgive ourselves and then MOVE ON.

There is nothing to be gained by lingering in the mess. As we move through this process of cleaning things up, we will find ourselves far more forgiving and compassionate when others make a mess. This creates all kinds of space and openness around us and then there is finally room for the good stuff: love, joy, peace, etc.

The magic of life comes in when we embrace life and ourselves fully, messiness and all.

Growing up sounds terribly dull and boring, but in fact it is quite the opposite. All of that mess that we were unconsciously creating was in fact blocking all the good things we’ve been seeking. It created distractions and constant fires to put out. When we begin to take responsibility for the mess and clean it up, this allows us to clear the channel so that we can receive what has always been there. It allows us to become childlike and look at life with wonder again.

My sense is that we will also have much more access to the parts of ourselves that are mostly dormant and unused…the parts of us that are able to transcend time and space. Most of us have had glimpses of that, and the possibilities are endless and tremendously exciting.

But I’m getting ahead of myself…

I’ve been speaking to friends of mine about why life seems so hard much of the time, and through a circuitous route, we ended up with a number of conclusions, none entirely satisfying. People’s theories ranged from, “none of this is real” to “your outer world is a reflection of your inner world” to “suffering and struggle are necessary” to all theories in between.

Even those of us who put lots of attention on the meaning of life seem baffled most of the time. No amount of our intricate story-weaving really even touches the mysteries of life nor answers our demands for an explanation.

I’ve always cultivated a fantasy that somewhere, sometime I would meet someone who would tap me on the shoulder and point me in the direction of the Truth. That like Dorothy and her friends in the Wizard of Oz, the man behind the curtain would be outed.

I suppose the not-knowing is what keeps life interesting and magical. The uncertainty keeps us in the game. But, and most would agree, sometimes, it is just all too much. Sometimes, I’m just tired. Moving through the density of the 3-D feels like a trudge through the mud, and once in a while — without the help of mind altering substances or the nightly out of body forays of the dreamstate — I’d like to have the sensation of flowing freely through and with it (sober AND awake).

The best I’ve come up with so far is to not resist what is. Rather, I just let myself fall into what’s happening in the moment…fully and completely, until I’m so in it, I don’t differentiate myself from it. I merge into it with a full out embrace and trust. Seated in the Is-ness, I am gifted with periods of real peace and even joy, but not what I would call freedom. Sorry, but that’s what I’m really going for. Sadly, I think that’s the one thing I cannot really have. At least not in the way I imagine it.

Being here on this plane of existence doesn’t appear to be about freedom or transcendence or nirvana. If it is, it certainly isn’t the easiest door to open. Believe me, I’ve tried, and paradoxically, it is that trying that has led to my failure. It seems as though the very act of wanting and seeking and desiring a way out of the limitations of physically existence, actually seals the door even tighter, whereas, letting go of the need for things to be different, being with all that is as it is, tends to crack it open just a hair.

In other words, if you’re here, be here. Death is your ticket out. Life has a built in exit plan. Knowing that, wouldn’t you want to hang out here and see what happens next? Besides, how do you or I know that once we die, we aren’t lining up to come right back? How do we know this isn’t one of the coolest places in existence to incarnate?

On the other hand, it could also be a prison matrix where we’ve been sent to learn some heavy-duty lessons as part of some kind of karmic debt. Or even further down that line of thinking, we could be prisoners with no real reason behind our imprisonment other than we were in the wrong place at the wrong time. In that model, those of us looking for an escape would be considered heroes.

This illusiveness and speculation is precisely the problem. Like a kaleidoscope, our experience of life shifts depending on how you look at it. Turn it one way and it looks like a cosmic dance filled with divine blessings and opportunities. Turn it another way, and it looks like a cruel, painful phenomenon filled with unnecessary hardship and suffering. Turn it again, and it falls somewhere in the middle and looks like the most ordinary thing in the world.

Maybe it’s all of those things, plus more. Perhaps we’ll never really know what this is all about. Maybe that’s a good thing.

I don’t know…personally, I don’t think I’ll ever stop looking for answers or wondering what’s around the next corner. Maybe that’s a good thing, too.

Something’s gotta give. The planet is strained to the breaking point in its ability to sustain our burgeoning human population with our ever growing waste and toxic lifestyles.

We need help. But short of an evolved extraterrestrial species arriving at the eleventh hour to bail us out of our stupidity and ignorance, we’re on our own.

To some people, plain and simple, that would mean we’re doomed. However, I would like to suggest that left to our own devices, we actually DO have the capacity to transform our current situation. The problem is that we’ve forgotten how. We’ve forgotten that in addition to being human, we also have within us something quite extraordinary, something mostly unseen and unnoticed, but something not at all limited by the boundaries of time and space.

This transcendent aspect of us is the energy or intelligence within us that created us and gives us life. Don’t you find it strange, how little attention we give to this core essence of our existence? Instead, few of us acknowledge that this even exists or that we have any access to it or would know what to do with it even if we could access it.

It’s as if life is a puzzle and we’re born into it with a bit of amnesia and confusion and only a handful of clues about our existence. As our life unfolds, we have many opportunities to remember and become clear and even to work the puzzle. Our tendency is to look outside of ourselves for answers. There are so many sources of information and teachers out there who promise to answer our questions. All ultimately lead us astray, except those who redirect our query back to their source: ourselves.

It is only then that we can begin to discover for ourselves not only the answers to our questions, but the source of the questions themselves. We begin at the end and end at the beginning. All our fruitless searches return us to where we started, with the greatest discovery of all being that there is nowhere to go and what we seek we already have.

With that said, how will that discovery save us? It will not only save us but it will relieve us finally of the burden of having to figure it all out. Because whether we know it or not, we are not in charge of the show. We are simply playing our small role. There is instead, a director or cosmic intelligence that can see the whole thing as it plays out. Our only duty is to make sure we listen to that intelligence as it gives us our cues and tells us our positions in the grand drama that is unfolding.

What does freedom really look like?

To me, freedom means there is a lot of space and room around me and my life. Lots of room to breathe and move and be flexible and spontaneous and intuitive. Lots of space for options and choices and sudden bursts of ideas. Freedom is flow; freedom is effortless doing.

Is this pure fantasy? Or is it possible to have a life imbibed with joy and meaning?

Yes and no. It’s possible, but from where most of us are sitting, it’s not easy. In fact, true freedom goes against everything we’ve been taught and shown and told to believe.  To be truly free means to question the very structures that make up the life we’re involved in on a daily basis—the structure of work, family, community, education, government, etc. Our very lifestyle and the decisions we habitually make are all up for grabs when it comes to shifting our perspective.

The problem is that we are terrified of not fitting in, of not conforming or adhering to the status quo. Perhaps we have stepped out the box in one aspect of our lives; we’ve dipped a toe in the water, but when we truly question our state of being in any given moment, how many of us can truly say we are free or that our lives bring us joy and fulfillment?

Where is the passion in our relationships and our work? Where is the wonder we felt as very young children when we are exploring the world around us? Why were we told again and again to put away childish things? Why were we required to suppress our natural curiosity and submit to the will of others?

This makes no sense. From a very young age we have been on a path of soul destruction. Told to deny our natural urges and interests, we lost touch with our inner voices. Instead we tuned into the cacophony of signals coming in from experts and authorities who told us what to do and how to think.

Is it any wonder that the very idea of freedom is such a foreign one when what is natural and innate in us has been diverted and sabotaged by the very world we live in?

Sounds pretty bleak when looked at with such razor sharp eyes. However, there is a way to soften the blow a bit. You can start where you are. Examine your life and look for the small pieces of it that bring you joy, the areas where you feel the most authentic, in which you are expressing yourself without hesitation. Take that part of your life and expand it a bit, just keep adding to it bit by bit. Kind of like remodeling an old house—sometimes it requires that you take down some walls.

What would a life without walls look like? Personally, it is radically different from the life I have lived for most of my adult life. It is a life that first questions, and then breaks through paradigms one by one, and doesn’t stop until there is enough room to express yourself freely and fully. Any hindrances must be looked at—and I mean ANYTHING that is standing in the way of being who you are and expressing it fully. For many people this typically implies looking at the work they do everyday. For others, it is a relationship. And still others, it is an overall lifestyle issue. Finally, for some brave souls, it means looking at EVERYTHING.

Face it, we all lie to ourselves and others about who we are and what we want. We do this, and rightly so, to survive. Our society and culture expects this of us. We want to fit in and engage, so we play along.

However, there comes a point, in which these lies or walls need to come down. The time most likely for this to happen is midlife. This is when many of us come face to face with our choices and realize that they are not reflective of our innermost being. This can manifest as an existential crisis in which we make rash decisions to try and remedy the situation or make up for lost time. Our mortality looms large and there is an urgency to make things right. The ability to suppress our desires and passions wanes and instead this energy bubbles and boils in an almost volcanic turbulence below the surface begging us to finally honor our need to be authentic.

Unfortunately, our culture is not too supportive of breaking down walls. Many become frightened by the intensity of their discontent and seek professional help to quell it. For those who don’t choose that option, and depending upon how far off the mark they really are from living authentically, it can be nothing short of a complete upheaval. The level of upheaval is usually in direct proportion to the level and amount of time a person has been holding back.

I like to think of myself in an ever expanding process of walking the talk. To whatever degree my life doesn’t reflect my values and the ideas I put out to others, then I’m a hypocrite. In the areas of my life where that inconsistency exists, then I need to remain silent. My words are empty and meaningless, unless I am demonstrating them by embodying them and living them. This sounds harsh, I know, but without this standard then there is no place for me to go. Authenticity and freedom and especially joy are the mile markers that let me know I’m on the right track, and that I am honoring my soul and its gifts.

The best part is that none of this is the means to an end. The journey itself is what’s so profoundly beautiful about being alive. Having an epiphany, a breakthrough, a shift in perspective is part of the fun of being here. We never know what’s around the next corner and I just want to make sure my view isn’t blocked by some poorly erected wall. Eventually, I would like to think I won’t need any walls at all to feel safe.

In the meantime, the fresh air is feeling pretty good.

Let’s face it. Life is quite simple when you really look at it. We all want the same thing: to love and be loved. Period. Beyond that I would add that we all want to be seen and heard and appreciated. We all want to feel connected and to feel meaning in those connections. Plus, being touched regularly is nice. Add to that some creative expression and you have a pretty rich life.

At the core of life is our communication with each other. What we say and don’t say. The messages we send out with our eyes, our expressions, our body language.

We crave connection. It is our life blood. Restrict that connection, and our being begins to wilt and wither, like a plant without sunlight.

Love needs to flow. In its pure unconditional state, it is expansive and inclusive. It continues to grow and build on itself. And to do that it must be expressed freely.

Love is abundant. It is everywhere. It is we who limit it with our conditions and possessiveness and definitions and boundaries. We cling to it out of fear of losing what we have or not getting what we want. We treat it as though it is a scarce commodity that will run out and dry up.

Communication is love’s channel. Listening and receiving and letting someone truly express who they are and be heard is a great gift, yet it is so rarely given. Like a delicious meal, conversation is meant to be lingered over, not rushed through.

You can discover hidden territories when you slow down enough to really speak and really listen. New ideas are born. Wisdom is revealed and shared. Wounds are healed.

Talking, when done for its own sake with grace, is a subtle, yet beautiful art, often neglected. Consciousness has been shifted by those who understand this art, and who know first how to listen and then how to speak.

Speaking up can be the most radical of actions. It can stir people up, inspire them and get them moving.

Silence is just as powerful.

Our voice and our words are incredible tools once we remember how to use them. Most of us hold back. We censor ourselves mercilessly, depriving others AND ourselves our deepest interiors, preferring instead to skim along the surface of life. No wonder we’re hungry with longing.

I propose the following: Listen harder and longer. Engage. Immerse yourself in another’s ideas and being. Really be there. Speak using your whole voice. Don’t hold back. Expose yourself. Be bold and brave. Whatever you do, bring something to the table. Make it worthwhile for the person(s) listening to you.

Broaden your circle. Don’t talk to the same people all the time. Seek out new people. In fact, make it a point to meet someone new every week or even every few days.

I guarantee you if you’re willing to expand your circle and go deep with people and really engage with them, that your consciousness and your life will begin to shift in miraculous ways. New opportunities will start to emerge that may even take you in a whole new direction.

And that is just the beginning…many great ideas have been born out of a single conversation.