According to Wikipedia, the illusion of control is “the tendency for human beings to believe they can control, or at least influence, outcomes that they demonstrably have no influence over”. This belief, I think, stems directly from how much our lives seem to support that illusion. In other words, when things are going well or going our way, it “appears” as though we are in command to some degree, bending life to our will.

However, when things begin to fall apart and our circumstances abruptly change, we usually feel as though we’ve somehow lost control. We throw around words like lucky or unlucky, depending on what happens to or around us. We talk about how certain things are “meant to be” or that there are no accidents.

The bigger the change, the more it becomes clear that we have much less control than we think we do. At any moment, without notice, our lives can change dramatically. We can have an accident, be involved in a natural disaster, get sick, lose a loved one, get fired, etc. We all know this; we have all experienced this, and yet we still behave as though we have control over our lives.

According to a recent study, the illusion of control is strongest when we are in a position of power.  From an article in Science Daily, called Power and The Illusion of Control:

CEOs of Fortune 500 companies routinely overestimate their capacity to turn mergers and acquisitions into huge profits, leading to financial losses for themselves, their companies, and their stockholders. Even ordinary people seem to take on an air of invincibility after being promoted to a more powerful position. The consequences of these tendencies, especially when present in the world’s most powerful leaders, can be devastating.

In a new study, Nathanael Fast and Deborah Gruenfeld at Stanford Graduate School of Business, Niro Sivanathan at the London Business School and Adam Galinsky at the Kellogg School of Management at Northwestern University, show that power can literally “go to one’s head,” causing individuals to think they have more personal control over outcomes than they, in fact, do.

“We conducted four experiments exploring the relationship between power and illusory control – the belief that one has the ability to influence outcomes that are largely determined by chance,” said Galinksy, “In each experiment, whether the participant recalled power by an experience of holding power or it was manipulated by randomly assigning participants to Manager-Subordinate roles, it led to perceived control over outcomes that were beyond the reach of the individual. Furthermore, the notion of being able to control a ‘chance’ result led to unrealistic optimism and inflated self-esteem.”

If control is an illusion, then why do we hold onto it so tightly? My guess is that we need this illusion in order to suspend our disbelief long enough to fully engage in our lives. Without it, we’d be paralyzed with fear, looking over our shoulders wondering when something bad might happen. Our illusion of control gives us a feeling of being able to do the impossible, transcend limitations and create new opportunities. Our greatest inventions come from the belief that we can create something out of nothing. If we simply resigned ourselves to our mortality or the fragility of human life, we would never attempt to do anything.

Problems arise when this belief in our ability to control things goes too far. People with lots of power and/or lots of money often fall prey to this because their lives are buffered by the ability to manipulate or buy their way out of problems and suffering. This option is not available to people without authority or means.

What fascinates me is that those without power or money often turn to each other to solve problems. Or to the divine, in whatever way they understand that. They use inner resources rather than outer resources. Of course, not all. Some take a negative approach and manipulate others by stealing or simply escape altogether through addiction. But for the most part, those without power or means  tend to live life with a greater awareness of change and death, and therefore approach life with respect and humility.

As evidenced by our failing economy, the illusion of control at its extreme can extract a tremendous price (there are endless examples throughout history that reveal the same thing). Life is not a casino, and when it is seen as fodder for manipulation to be used for personal gain, the illusion falls down hard and fast. Life has, and always will have, the upper hand, and it has some not so subtle ways of reminding us of that.

Anything that flies high eventually has to come down. Like it or not, there’s no way to outsmart change or death. They’re inevitable. We can only pretend they’re not, but sooner or later, they’ll come knocking at our door.

Is it not better then to meet life as it is and stop the pretending? To some extent yes, as long as we learn to accept change and death without fear.  Nothing wrong with wrapping a bit of illusion around us for comfort. The trick is to not to buy into it too deeply or get too attached to things staying the same. This is where a bit of Zen acceptance and surrender comes in handy.

There is some freedom in letting go of the illusion of control. We can relax our vigilance and begin to allow it all to unfold, as we would a movie. However, life is not a spectator sport. For as long as we live, we are players on the field, engaging in the game. What we think, say and do matters, but not in the personal way we typically think of it, but rather in a big picture kind of way.

To get a glimpse of that you’ll need to speak with the director.

From Ernest Holmes:

We are intelligent beings living in an intelligent universe that responds to our mental states, and insofar as we learn to control those mental states, we shall automatically control our environment. This is what is meant by the practical application of the principles of Science of Mind to the problems of everyday living. This is what is meant by demonstration.

Naturally our first thought is that we would like to demonstrate health of body, peace of mind, prosperity in our affairs, to neutralize a circumstance which is unhappy, or to attract to ourself some good which we have not been enjoying. Such a desire is natural and in every way normal, and the possibility of such demonstration already exists within the mind of every living soul. Every one of us has within ourself the power to consciously cooperate with the spiritual side of our existence in such a way that it will create for us a new body and a new environment and a greater happiness. But the greatest good which this philosophy of life brings to us is a sense of certainty, a sense of the reality of our own soul, of the continuity of our own individualized being, and the relationship of this self to the great Whole.

The greatest good that can come to us is the forming of an absolute certainty of ourself and of our relationship to the Universe, forever removing the sense of heaven as being outside ourself, the fear of hell, or any future state of uncertainty. We are each a part of the only life there is, some part of the Eternal God. We are forever reaching out, forever gaining, growing, expanding; Spirit is forever incarnating Itself in us.

Such an understanding teaches us that there can never come a time when we shall stop progressing, that age is an illusion, that limitation is a mistake, that unhappiness is ignorance. We cannot be afraid when we know the truth. The greatest good accompanying such an understanding of truth will be the elimination of fear.

This understanding will rob us of our loneliness and give us a sense of security which knows no fear, a peace without which no life can be happy, a poise which is founded on this peace, and a power which is the result of the union of peace with poise.

From Rob Brezsny:

“Ninety-six percent of the universe is stuff we’ve never seen,” cosmologist Michael Turner told Geoff Brumfiel in the March 13, 2003 issue of the journal *Nature.* To be exact, the cosmos is 23 percent dark matter and 73 percent dark energy, both of which are missing. All the stars and planets and moons and asteroids and comets and nebulas and
gas clouds together comprise the visible four percent.

So where is the other 96 percent? No one knows. It’s not only concealed from humans, it’s imperceptible to the instruments humans have devised, and its whereabouts can’t be predicted by any existing theories.

What will happen as the implications of these data filter down to the other sciences? Maybe there will be a reversal of a long-term trend documented by Nature. In 1914, the magazine found that 30 percent of the world’s top scientists believed in God. In a second survey in 1934, the number dropped to 15 percent, and by 1998 it was seven percent.

If the fact that most of reality is hidden doesn’t spur them to reconsider the possibility of a divine presence working behind the scenes, maybe it will move them to become more sympathetic to a project like ours, which has the intention of adopting the scientific approach to an exploration of the invisible.

From Jacquelyn Small:

Self-remembrance is remembering that we are both human and divine and already connected to the higher order that rules this universe. It is remembering that we are co-creators, a fragment of divine purpose that governs reality. To move into self-remembrance, most people need to go into a state of meditation or prayer. If we begin each day with remembering who we are, we enter a state of consciousness where we are prepared to take responsibility for how creative we actually are, realizing that everything that goes through our minds creates something. Obviously, if I think negatively, I see all the negative things in life and draw those things to myself. If I can enter a state of consciousness where I remember that I am a daughter of a Higher Power, and not my conditions, I can use that awareness to start out every day with a sense of purpose. Everybody has to decide what he or she wants his or her spiritual purpose to be. It can be as small as wanting to have the characteristics and qualities of a very good person, or as big as wanting to be a change agent for the world, a world server.

An enormous awakening is happening and many people are waking up to the consciousness of the mystic. Mystics are born, they are not created. People recognize themselves as mystics when they remember that all of their lives, they have known there is something more grand going on here than is obvious. Once we move into self-remembrance, or self-creative observation, we start to change our course. We focus on what we spiritually intend rather than letting life’s conditions overrule us. When you start your day with prayer, meditation or invocation, your day unfolds with intention. Otherwise the outer circumstances will create your reality: You go to the grocery store, have an argument with somebody, lose your checkbook, return home, become frustrated because you are late for an appointment, and at day’s end, you are worn out from how the day’s conditions took you over. When, upon arising, you spend ten or fifteen minutes focusing on who you are, what you are here to do and be, remembering with compassion the state of the world and how you might have a part in making it a more loving place to be, you start your day in a state of compassion and high self regard.

From Evelyn Underhill:

Most of our conflicts and difficulties come from trying to deal with the spiritual and practical aspects of our life separately instead of realizing them as parts of one whole. If our practical life is centered on our own interests, cluttered up by possessions, distracted by ambitions, passions, want—and worries, beset by a sense of our own rights and importance, or anxieties for our own future, or longings for our own success, we need not expect that our spiritual life will be a contrast to all this. The soul’s house is not built on such a convenient plan: there are few soundproof partitions in it. Only when the conviction—not merely the idea—that the demand of the Spirit, however inconvenient, comes first and is first, rules the whole of it, will those objectionable noises die down which have a way of penetrating into the nicely furnished little oratory, and drowning all the quieter voices by their din.

The spiritual life, then, is not a peculiar or extreme form of piety. It is, on the contrary, that full and real life for which man is made; a life that is organic and social, essentially free, yet with its own necessities and laws, just as physical life means, and depends on, constant correspondence with our physical environment, the atmosphere that surrounds and penetrates us, the energies of heat and light, whether we happen to notice it or not; so does spiritual life mean constant correspondence with our spiritual environment, whether we notice it or not. We get out of gear in either department, when this correspondence is arrested or disturbed; and if it stops altogether, we cease to live. For the most part, of course, the presence and action of the great spiritual universe surrounding us is no more noticed by us than the pressure of air on our bodies, or the action of light. Our field of attention is not wide enough for that; our spiritual senses are not sufficiently alert. Most people work so hard developing their correspondence with the visible world, that their power of corresponding with the invisible is left in a rudimentary state.

But when, for one reason or another, we begin to wake up a little bit, to lift the nose from the ground and notice that spiritual light and that spiritual atmosphere as real constituents of our human world; then, the whole situation is changed. Our horizon is widened, our experience is enormously enriched, and at the same time our responsibilities are enlarged. For now we get an entirely new idea of what human beings are for, and what they can achieve: and as a result, first our notions about life, our scale of values, begins to change, and then we do.

Years ago, Emmet Fox wrote that the word, individual, means indivisible. Upon reading that recently, I decided to do a bit of research. Sure enough, indivisible is listed as one of the definitions of individual, though most of us don’t think of it that way. The idea that an individual cannot be divided or separated from the whole illuminates the deeper truth that we are all connected. Though we are unique, individual expressions of the divine, we are not separate or apart from it. To think so, is to deny the essence of who we are.

The illusion of our separateness is what makes our lives exciting, but it is also what gets us into the most trouble.  It is a double-edged sword requiring a delicate balance between our needs and desires and the needs and desires of those around us. Selflessness as well as selfishness are both necessary as long as neither is taken to extremes of martyrdom or narcissism. Navigating this fine line seems to define a lot of our experience in this 3-D world.  Loving oneself is a necessary prerequisite of loving others.

Giving and receiving are part of the circle of life and when the input and output are in balance, life feels good. It is when the scales are tipped too heavily on one side or another, that life feels painful. It seems we are constantly making adjustments in both extremes, in order to find our way back to the middle again. The costs of living too selflessly or selfishly are great to our health and well being, but in order to know those extremes we often have to touch them. Some of us get stuck in those extremes and life becomes a living hell for awhile. Some of us don’t ever find our way back a place of balance. Some of us are fortunate enough to get help and support to do it.

We are not alone, and it is our belief that we are that puts us in danger. Feeling cut off from others, unloved or undervalued leads to a distorted perception of our place in the world. By the same token, feeling worshiped or overly important can create a false idea of us and our place in the world.

As a friend once said to me, he neither wanted to be placed on a pedestal nor crucified; instead, he preferred having his feet on the ground. Staying grounded requires finding our place in the whole, seeing each and every one of us as significant and necessary for our evolution. This, of course, has never been more clear than it is now. There is no escape from the mistakes of the past or from the current destruction of the planet we call home. We collectively created the mess, and it is up to us to solve it. The economic crisis drives this message even deeper. The era of the individual in the sense of the word that means separate is over. The true meaning of that word is bubbling to the surface in the midst of our turmoil, reminding us that are are indivisible, that we are in this together and that we need each other.

The earth is a ship traveling through space and we are its passengers. There are no lifeboats or evacuation plans, therefore, we must work with what we have: together. Those who think only of themselves will continue to lead us astray into certain destruction. It is those who think of the survival of the whole who can save us.

All the best spiritual and political leaders taught that love and cooperation are the answers. Competition implies that someone has to win and someone has to lose. We are now past the point where there will be winners and losers because we are all in the game. The question is not so much will we survive, but rather if we survive how much of what we have now will remain? The answer seems to me to be based solely on how quickly we are willing to stop operating as independent agents and acknowledge our connection to the whole.

Light
Will someday split you open
Even if your life is now a cage,
For a divine seed, the crown of destiny,
Is hidden and sown on an ancient, fertile plain
You hold the title to.

Love will surely bust you wide open
Into an unfettered, blooming new galaxy

Even if your mind is now
A spoiled mule.

A life-giving radiance will come,
The Friend’s gratuity will come –

O look again within yourself,
For I know you were once the elegant host
To all the marvels in creation.

From a sacred crevice in your body
A bow rises each night
And shoots your soul into God.

Behold the Beautiful Drunk Singing One
From the lunar vantage point of love.

He is conducting the affairs
Of the whole universe

While throwing wild parties
In a tree house – on a limb
In your heart.

~ Hafiz

1. You don’t take things personally.

2. You speak less and listen more.

3. You are more interested in inner peace than you are in happiness.

4. You know more than you believe.

5. You recognize that there is a lot you don’t know.

6. You care more about people than things.

7. You listen to and follow your intuition more than your intellect.

8. You trust yourself more than the opinion of others.

9. You see giving and receiving as one and the same.

10. Practicing gratitude is part of your daily routine.

11. Meditation comes as naturally to you as breathing.

12. You have a direct experience of a higher intellegence.

The underlying process to waking up is to remove anything and everything that is in the way or interferes with it, remembering that the true and natural human state is this place. The rest is a trick, a lie, an illusion, a trap, a prison, etc.

We need to remember who we are. We are Divine and our natural state of being is wholeness, perfection, health, prosperity, peace, joy, love, connectedness, oneness, etc.

We move back and forth between remembering and forgetting, between expansion and contraction, between love and fear. The path is about spending less time in the place of forgetting, contracting and fear and more time in the place of remembering, expansion and love.

Why is this so difficult to grasp or to put into words? Why is it so difficult to experience at will? It is what we all know exists, what we search for and long for, but often miss. When we do find it for whatever brief period, we rejoice; when it’s gone, we feel devastated. This is why people use drugs and alcohol–they are looking for this sensation or place of being in the flow…this place of joy and bliss and connectedness. Drugs and alcohol simulate it, but it’s not nearly as good as the real thing, and when you come down from a drug high you are even further away from the real thing–a viscous circle with the only escape being one or more of the above paths at work in your life.

The place is the place where miracles and healing and manifestation happen. It is the space in between everything. This is what Christ meant when he said the Truth will set you free…it is this place…this high energy, almost manic blissful place where life seems magical and wondrous that he was speaking about. To be human and remember your Divinity is about as good as it gets…it’s like being in love with Life.

When someone is in this place it affects everyone around him/her. They can feel the energy because that person has tapped directly into Source and has become a clear channel for that energy and it is electric and intoxicating.

To access this Source requires nothing more than clearing the channel and removing whatever is in the way physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually, energetically, etc.

This will allow us to access this Source more at will rather than at random.

Sometimes it seems so random. I’ve worked hard for years with all the techniques, but lately it just seems to happen without anything specific preceding it, as if I’m just finding the location and then the channel opens up.

Maybe my son was right and there are two “earths” and one is underneath the other one. One is REAL and the other one is a lie, a simulation or game. There are doors and escape hatches from the matrix earth into the real one, and perhaps we slip into it when we dream or meditate or take hallucinogenic drugs or sometimes just randomly have a peak experience. But then we always come back into the matrix–the limited earth, the painful earth, the challenging earth. Finding the doors are the key to a better life. Death is one door, but there are many, many other doors, and within this false earth there are clues everywhere about how to access the REAL one. It’s tricky and requires lots of work and removal of the false persona that we’ve been led to believe is real. When we remember who we are, we automatically have access to the REAL earth. But remembering ain’t easy; luckily there are lots of catalysts around that can trigger a memory.

None of us know how much time we have in this life. That’s part of the beauty of being human and the terror of it. If you knew you only had a few hours, weeks or even months to live, those hours would be worth more than if you knew you had several more decades. But we aren’t privy to that information. So where does that leave us?

It leaves us wanting.

There is a gift in not knowing. It keeps us in the thick of things, immersed in the day to day. If we were always looking over our shoulder for the grim reaper, we wouldn’t be fully engaged in living, but would be focused instead on avoiding death.

However, our sometimes arrogant assumption that we’re going to live forever or a very long time, can lead us to waste precious time on things that simply aren’t worth our attention.

Our time is our currency. Once you spend it, you can’t get it back. It’s gone forever. Are you spending it wisely? Are you spending it doing something you hate or something you love? Are you giving your time to activities and relationships that feed your being? Or are you frittering it away on meaningless tasks and unfulfilling or even abusive relationships?

In the world of work, time takes on an even greater meaning. In order to support ourselves and our families, to keep a roof over our heads and pay our bills, most of us exchange our time for money. In light of the fact that you can’t get those hours back, are you getting compensated enough for that time? It can get a little uncomfortable when looked at that way. We are exchanging one currency for another. But think about the difference in the value of those two currencies. One represents our life and the other represents the legal tender that pays for goods and services. Not quite in the same continuum.

Our entire economy is based on our willingness to give up our life hours for sometimes 40, 50, 60 hours per week in exchange for whatever value our form of livelihood offers. If you are an unskilled laborer, the amount you receive for your life hours is significantly less than a doctor or lawyer. Does that mean your life is worth less? From an economic standpoint, it is. In the big picture, we know that it’s not.

Why do we agree to this devaluation of our time at all? The answer is so simple, it’s painful: most of us don’t take the time to question it. We simply continue to do as we’ve always done.

Some of us are fortunate. We have an experience that jolts us out of our complacency: a near death experience, an illness, an accident, or job loss–something radical that shifts our perspective and typically our priorities, motivating and empowering us to do things differently.

Sometimes it happens more subtly: we meet someone who reminds us there is another way to be or we wake up one day unable to tolerate selling our souls to a meaningless job for one more day.

Regardless of where we are in this process, what we want to remember is that each hour is a precious gift that once spent is gone forever, and how we spend it, with whom, doing what, is an extremely important decision.

As Carlos Castaneda learned from his teacher, Don Juan, we need to use death as ally, so that we always remember to value ourselves and our time.

How will you spend your time today?

Life is a wonder and a mystery. We move through it under the strong illusion that we have some degree of control of it or at least our personal corner. On the surface at least, we don’t, and life does not hesitate to remind of this regularly.

But there is something deeper here…a paradox to be sure. There is a deep place within us that is connected to the Whole of ALL THAT IS. It is in this connection that we can tap into something deeper. This is the place where we can see the bigger picture and recognize the Divine Perfection all around us. It is the place where we can laugh at what is unfolding and not take it so seriously. This is also the place where we can get freed up of all of that drama and biographical, genetic, ancestral and societal baggage we keep dragging around with us.

As small children, we are powerfully imprinted by our early experiences, both good and bad. It is where our first impressions of love, relationships and the world are made. Depending on whether those early experiences were positive and uplifting or dark and traumatic or somewhere in between, they shape our perception and ways of navigating through the world.

If we grow up on a starvation diet devoid of much attention and affection, that becomes our normal because we don’t know what a full meal tastes like. Because it feels normal, we will tend to perpetuate that diet and attract people and circumstances into our lives that only partially feed us.

To stop carrying those early imprints with us, we need to heal and release the thoughts and beliefs about the world they created. Often they are so much a part of us, that we cannot even see them. But in spite of their invisibility, they shape and influence every decision we make.

For someone who is used to being deprived, learning to receive love and attention and affection, is a major healing event. It is a process of unwinding and unraveling all of those deeply ingrained ways of being, reacting and moving and opening the channel for a new level of aliveness.

In order to do what it believes will keep us safe, our subconscious sabotages all of our desires and needs and deep cravings to grow and change. This saboteur affects everything we do. To really heal these subterranean levels of fear, we need to connect with something greater. To reduce the imagined threat of releasing our old way of being, we need to remember who we are.

This is nothing short of dying to what was and being reborn to what is. It is where we will find real freedom. It is where we will find our authentic voice. It is where we will learn what it means to be alive.

We, perhaps for the first time, will be back in the driver’s seat of our lives, rather than feeling like some rogue part of ourselves is behind the wheel.

This is not really about control, but rather surrender and allowing and being with what is at a very high level of acceptance. Control is about the need to survive. When we begin to taste freedom, we no longer feel in danger and so no longer need to control things. We are no longer out of alignment with what is before us and what is unfolding. The feeling of being out of sync was simply all that noise from our subconscious trying to survive what it perceived to be a very confusing world.

There are many modalities that allow us to release our early scripts and beliefs. When we are ready to really let go, we will find them.

In the meantime, take a look at your circumstances and relationships. Notice any repeating themes or patterns? Feelings of powerlessness and frustration? A sense of moving ten steps forward and two back? A gnawing feeling of being victimized, but with no clue how to shake the feeling or change your circumstances?

That’s it. Keep paying attention to it. Call it forth from the shadows into the light of day. Watch what happens when a little bit of awareness creeps in. The power and intensity starts to diminish. Exposure is half the battle.

It’s as if you’ve discovered a few stowaways living inside of you…long-term house guests, and it’s time to show them the door.

For that you may need help, because these squatters aren’t usually so keen on leaving. They will do anything to convince you they are helping you and that you cannot survive without them. An objective person can help you to hold steady and not be swayed or undermined by such tactics.

Sometimes you have to sneak up on them and trick them into leaving. Whatever it takes, whatever modalities you choose, by all means stand firm. Give them a hug, thank them for serving you, but don’t forget to lock the door once they’re gone.

Life essentially gives us what we ask for. How do we ask? By what we put forth. Everything that leaves our circle of being…and I do mean everything—our thoughts, emotions, judgments, beliefs—comes back around in some way. We are all connected and there is no place in that field of connection to hide. If we soil the ocean of existence, there is no way to escape accountability for that.

It’s taken me a good many years and many hard life lessons to realize that life has certain rules of operation and the sooner we align with those rules, the easier our lives become. Those rules include showing up to do our part, being fully accountable for ALL of our actions and keeping our corner of existence clean. A tall order, indeed.

Spiritual maturity is not about finding easy answers to life’s problems. It is about meeting what is head on without resistance, embracing it fully with all of its confusion and chaos. It’s also about knowing that life is always a reflection of what is happening inside of us on ALL levels, both conscious and unconscious.

Many people on the spiritual path make the mistake of thinking that prayer and affirmations are enough to shifts things in their lives and the lives of their loved ones. But it takes more than that. Showing up is a big part of manifestation. In order to attract what we want into our lives, we need to demonstrate our desire and willingness to receive it through our actions. It is a way of meeting life halfway. We cannot complain that things are missing from our lives if we aren’t willing to put ourselves forth to meet these things fully. Hiding out in our habitual comfort zones, and then wondering why our lives are so full of lack, makes no sense, but that’s what most of us do. We passively wait for the good to show up for us.

To spiritually mature, we also need to put our attention on our accountability. Many of us are conscientious when it comes to our behavior in the world, but lazy when it comes to our thoughts and emotions and what comes out of our mouths. This won’t fly because everything that moves from us, touches everyone else and eventually comes back and touches us. If you knew that when you spoke a sharp word about someone, it traveled from you and pierced another, would you be so willing to let it go? If you knew that the reason you felt pain at a given time was due to that same sharp word you sent out, would you still allow yourself to be the originator of that pain?

Of course not. But most of us have not cultivated an awareness of that level of accountability yet. If we had, our conversations with others would be quite different, as would our conversations with ourselves.

Finally, how do we clean things up if we do make a mess? It’s quite simple: honesty and forgiveness. Being honest with ourselves and others, taking responsibility and then apologizing for our part in the mess cleans it up. We don’t have to beat ourselves up or even hold onto the mistake, except to receive the lesson it imparts. Rather, it is really only necessary to see it, acknowledge it, clean it up, forgive ourselves and then MOVE ON.

There is nothing to be gained by lingering in the mess. As we move through this process of cleaning things up, we will find ourselves far more forgiving and compassionate when others make a mess. This creates all kinds of space and openness around us and then there is finally room for the good stuff: love, joy, peace, etc.

The magic of life comes in when we embrace life and ourselves fully, messiness and all.

Growing up sounds terribly dull and boring, but in fact it is quite the opposite. All of that mess that we were unconsciously creating was in fact blocking all the good things we’ve been seeking. It created distractions and constant fires to put out. When we begin to take responsibility for the mess and clean it up, this allows us to clear the channel so that we can receive what has always been there. It allows us to become childlike and look at life with wonder again.

My sense is that we will also have much more access to the parts of ourselves that are mostly dormant and unused…the parts of us that are able to transcend time and space. Most of us have had glimpses of that, and the possibilities are endless and tremendously exciting.

But I’m getting ahead of myself…

I’ve been speaking to friends of mine about why life seems so hard much of the time, and through a circuitous route, we ended up with a number of conclusions, none entirely satisfying. People’s theories ranged from, “none of this is real” to “your outer world is a reflection of your inner world” to “suffering and struggle are necessary” to all theories in between.

Even those of us who put lots of attention on the meaning of life seem baffled most of the time. No amount of our intricate story-weaving really even touches the mysteries of life nor answers our demands for an explanation.

I’ve always cultivated a fantasy that somewhere, sometime I would meet someone who would tap me on the shoulder and point me in the direction of the Truth. That like Dorothy and her friends in the Wizard of Oz, the man behind the curtain would be outed.

I suppose the not-knowing is what keeps life interesting and magical. The uncertainty keeps us in the game. But, and most would agree, sometimes, it is just all too much. Sometimes, I’m just tired. Moving through the density of the 3-D feels like a trudge through the mud, and once in a while — without the help of mind altering substances or the nightly out of body forays of the dreamstate — I’d like to have the sensation of flowing freely through and with it (sober AND awake).

The best I’ve come up with so far is to not resist what is. Rather, I just let myself fall into what’s happening in the moment…fully and completely, until I’m so in it, I don’t differentiate myself from it. I merge into it with a full out embrace and trust. Seated in the Is-ness, I am gifted with periods of real peace and even joy, but not what I would call freedom. Sorry, but that’s what I’m really going for. Sadly, I think that’s the one thing I cannot really have. At least not in the way I imagine it.

Being here on this plane of existence doesn’t appear to be about freedom or transcendence or nirvana. If it is, it certainly isn’t the easiest door to open. Believe me, I’ve tried, and paradoxically, it is that trying that has led to my failure. It seems as though the very act of wanting and seeking and desiring a way out of the limitations of physically existence, actually seals the door even tighter, whereas, letting go of the need for things to be different, being with all that is as it is, tends to crack it open just a hair.

In other words, if you’re here, be here. Death is your ticket out. Life has a built in exit plan. Knowing that, wouldn’t you want to hang out here and see what happens next? Besides, how do you or I know that once we die, we aren’t lining up to come right back? How do we know this isn’t one of the coolest places in existence to incarnate?

On the other hand, it could also be a prison matrix where we’ve been sent to learn some heavy-duty lessons as part of some kind of karmic debt. Or even further down that line of thinking, we could be prisoners with no real reason behind our imprisonment other than we were in the wrong place at the wrong time. In that model, those of us looking for an escape would be considered heroes.

This illusiveness and speculation is precisely the problem. Like a kaleidoscope, our experience of life shifts depending on how you look at it. Turn it one way and it looks like a cosmic dance filled with divine blessings and opportunities. Turn it another way, and it looks like a cruel, painful phenomenon filled with unnecessary hardship and suffering. Turn it again, and it falls somewhere in the middle and looks like the most ordinary thing in the world.

Maybe it’s all of those things, plus more. Perhaps we’ll never really know what this is all about. Maybe that’s a good thing.

I don’t know…personally, I don’t think I’ll ever stop looking for answers or wondering what’s around the next corner. Maybe that’s a good thing, too.