Each of us lives in our own self-prescribed little boxes defined by our ideas, beliefs and boundaries.  Each decision we make is made with the assumption it will provide comfort and safety and be the best option for our well being. Some of these decisions are made by default out of habit and due to very old constructs and ways of seeing the world.

One of the most powerful gifts you can give yourself, is to step off the merry-go-round and take a look at the boxes you live in to see if they’re still serving you (or if you’re bold – if they ever have). If they are, but you’re feeling stifled and confined, why not stir things up a bit by changing your routine or the people you spend time with.

If you see that the boxes are no longer working, make some new choices that break down those walls. Start by saying yes to new ideas and new ways of being and doing things and no to things that aren’t working.

It’s rejuvenating to open windows and doors and let fresh air and energy into your life. Taking down walls is far more radical, but the result is the same: life becomes more magical when the dimension of the unpredictable and mysterious is let in. You become teachable and open to the new and unknown and ready to receive the many gifts on the other side of those walls.

When you start saying yes to the whole that life has to offer rather than restricting the flow by your need for control, your world expands and unforeseen possibilities appear out of nowhere. It is then that we realize how much we were missing living inside of our small boxes with our endless filters refracting and distorting what was right in front of us, engaging instead with only our projections.

This is the world of delusion where many people reside because they truly believe that a constructed, controlled world is better (read safer) than the real world. It is a reactive, survivalist stance that instigates this limiting viewpoint, typically based on a deeply wounding heartbreak or disillusionment. I’m not suggesting that the need for withdrawing from the world and licking one’s wounds isn’t worthwhile, when needed. Rather, it’s when this temporary retreat becomes a habitual way of living that a refuge becomes a prison. The longer one resides there, the more difficult it becomes to leave, requiring something of a catalytic event to change things.

I have experienced all different degrees of walls coming down in my own life, some imposed by people and events outside of me and others initiated by me. Either way, it ain’t always easy to move out of our comfort zones, but it is almost always for the best.

Saying yes is another way of putting down our weapons of resistance and greeting what shows up in our lives with open arms. I used to joke with people that I’d rather raise my hand and volunteer for life’s lessons and tests than wait around until I hearing a loud banging on my door telling me I’ve been drafted.  What that means is that saying yes is akin to showing the universe that you’d like to take your medicine the easy way, not by having to be forced.

I know, sometimes the most direct route can be rough, but it’s usually so much less dramatic and time consuming. Go right up to your fears and issues and meet them halfway and ask them what they need from you. If you turn your back and run, they will follow you around making your life miserable. Plus, the idea of them is far more terrifying than the reality. I’ve found when I walk right up to the things in my life I’d rather avoid, they are so much smaller and easier to deal with than I expected.  I’ve also noticed that when I’m willing to face my demons, I score some pretty nice karmic points and I become aware of how life seems to be on my side a bit more and even conspiring to help me out.

Becoming aware of the boxes we’ve created can be done in a number of ways. One of my favorites and one I’ve used with my clients, is to look at the things we say we always do or never do. Start there and that will show you all kinds of things about yourself. These are the boundaries that we’ve erected around us. Look at them and see if they make sense anymore. Watch your habitual ways of thinking and behaving. Chances are there are some areas that really need updating.

If you feel stuck, it is up to you to see how small your world is and do whatever you can to break down the walls and live a bigger, more expansive life.

Saying yes works well if you need to push through your resistance to the unknown.

Saying no works well if you need to stop people pleasing and accommodating others’ needs instead of your own.

Only you know which one will shift things in your life.

1.    What are you afraid of?
2.    What are you obsessed about?
3.    What/who are you attached to?
4.    What /who are you cut off from?
5.    What is necessary to have, do, be for you to feel happy?
6.    What must you do before you die?
7.    What limits, burdens and imprisons you?
8.    What is the biggest obstacle between you and your dreams?
9.    What is your biggest regret or failure?
10.    In what areas of your life are you living a lie?
11.    Do you feel that you are doing what you were born to do? Why? Why not?
12.    What is the greatest gift that you have to offer others?
13.    What is lacking the most in your life right now?
14.    In what area of your life are you thriving?
15.    If there was one thing you could change right now what would it be?

According to Wikipedia, the illusion of control is “the tendency for human beings to believe they can control, or at least influence, outcomes that they demonstrably have no influence over”. This belief, I think, stems directly from how much our lives seem to support that illusion. In other words, when things are going well or going our way, it “appears” as though we are in command to some degree, bending life to our will.

However, when things begin to fall apart and our circumstances abruptly change, we usually feel as though we’ve somehow lost control. We throw around words like lucky or unlucky, depending on what happens to or around us. We talk about how certain things are “meant to be” or that there are no accidents.

The bigger the change, the more it becomes clear that we have much less control than we think we do. At any moment, without notice, our lives can change dramatically. We can have an accident, be involved in a natural disaster, get sick, lose a loved one, get fired, etc. We all know this; we have all experienced this, and yet we still behave as though we have control over our lives.

According to a recent study, the illusion of control is strongest when we are in a position of power.  From an article in Science Daily, called Power and The Illusion of Control:

CEOs of Fortune 500 companies routinely overestimate their capacity to turn mergers and acquisitions into huge profits, leading to financial losses for themselves, their companies, and their stockholders. Even ordinary people seem to take on an air of invincibility after being promoted to a more powerful position. The consequences of these tendencies, especially when present in the world’s most powerful leaders, can be devastating.

In a new study, Nathanael Fast and Deborah Gruenfeld at Stanford Graduate School of Business, Niro Sivanathan at the London Business School and Adam Galinsky at the Kellogg School of Management at Northwestern University, show that power can literally “go to one’s head,” causing individuals to think they have more personal control over outcomes than they, in fact, do.

“We conducted four experiments exploring the relationship between power and illusory control – the belief that one has the ability to influence outcomes that are largely determined by chance,” said Galinksy, “In each experiment, whether the participant recalled power by an experience of holding power or it was manipulated by randomly assigning participants to Manager-Subordinate roles, it led to perceived control over outcomes that were beyond the reach of the individual. Furthermore, the notion of being able to control a ‘chance’ result led to unrealistic optimism and inflated self-esteem.”

If control is an illusion, then why do we hold onto it so tightly? My guess is that we need this illusion in order to suspend our disbelief long enough to fully engage in our lives. Without it, we’d be paralyzed with fear, looking over our shoulders wondering when something bad might happen. Our illusion of control gives us a feeling of being able to do the impossible, transcend limitations and create new opportunities. Our greatest inventions come from the belief that we can create something out of nothing. If we simply resigned ourselves to our mortality or the fragility of human life, we would never attempt to do anything.

Problems arise when this belief in our ability to control things goes too far. People with lots of power and/or lots of money often fall prey to this because their lives are buffered by the ability to manipulate or buy their way out of problems and suffering. This option is not available to people without authority or means.

What fascinates me is that those without power or money often turn to each other to solve problems. Or to the divine, in whatever way they understand that. They use inner resources rather than outer resources. Of course, not all. Some take a negative approach and manipulate others by stealing or simply escape altogether through addiction. But for the most part, those without power or means  tend to live life with a greater awareness of change and death, and therefore approach life with respect and humility.

As evidenced by our failing economy, the illusion of control at its extreme can extract a tremendous price (there are endless examples throughout history that reveal the same thing). Life is not a casino, and when it is seen as fodder for manipulation to be used for personal gain, the illusion falls down hard and fast. Life has, and always will have, the upper hand, and it has some not so subtle ways of reminding us of that.

Anything that flies high eventually has to come down. Like it or not, there’s no way to outsmart change or death. They’re inevitable. We can only pretend they’re not, but sooner or later, they’ll come knocking at our door.

Is it not better then to meet life as it is and stop the pretending? To some extent yes, as long as we learn to accept change and death without fear.  Nothing wrong with wrapping a bit of illusion around us for comfort. The trick is to not to buy into it too deeply or get too attached to things staying the same. This is where a bit of Zen acceptance and surrender comes in handy.

There is some freedom in letting go of the illusion of control. We can relax our vigilance and begin to allow it all to unfold, as we would a movie. However, life is not a spectator sport. For as long as we live, we are players on the field, engaging in the game. What we think, say and do matters, but not in the personal way we typically think of it, but rather in a big picture kind of way.

To get a glimpse of that you’ll need to speak with the director.

Yesterday, I was listening to a talk by Iyanla Vanzant and in it she spoke about something she called The Forgiveness Diet. It resonated with me deeply. She also referred to it as “70 in 7″ (seventy times seven is, of course, how many times Christ said we need to forgive).  How it works is this:

35 times in the morning
35 times in the evening
For 7 days, you make the statement,

“I forgive myself totally and unconditionally for all judgments I have held about and against (name of person here).”

If you miss one time, you have to start again. You do this until you have done it for 7 days.

Notice this is not about forgiving others, but rather forgiving ourselves for judging others. Because who does that hurt? It hurts us. Iyanla calls forgiveness soul food. This diet is to heal and soothe your soul and relieve you of the burden of all those negative thoughts you carry around with you. Consider it a detox or cleansing diet for the soul. The intention is to give ourselves a fresh start, flushing those resentments out of our systems, and opening our hearts to love.

Everyone deserves the right to be loved and accepted for who they are. Judgment closes that flow of love. But in the area of forgiveness, we need to start with ourselves. Often our judgments of others are in essence simply a projection of our judgment of ourselves. Healing ourselves, heals our relationships.

The Forgiveness Diet is similar to the 7 Day Mental Fast written about by New Thought teacher, Emmet Fox. It’s a similar plan in that you are to give up all negative thoughts for a week. My guess is that there is something powerful about committing to change a destructive habit for 7 days.

As Iyanla said, “It can’t hurt, and it’s free.”

A friend and I were speaking yesterday about the fact that there is no arriving in life. There is no destination. It’s all about movement–constant movement. Yes, there are plateaus and periods of stillness and rest, but ultimately, we cannot hang onto any state of being.

This is a double edged sword. When we achieve equilibrium and a sense of contentment, we tend to want to stay there. Instead, something comes along and dashes our best intentions. We start feeling antsy or restless or bored or just plan depressed–life feels off again, and we question what happened. Life happened. Change happened. We are cycling through something, learning something, getting another perspective, whatever you want to call it. The break is over and it’s time to experience something different.

This can be frustrating and even agonizing, but imagine where we’d be if our feelings and state of being never changed? When we’re feeling depressed or out of balance, all we can think of is wanting that to change.

Accepting the full spectrum of experiences seems to be the only way to navigate this 3-D world. We can either be with what is as it is or we can fight against it. In my experience, resistance to what is, only makes it last longer and feel worse.

This is a tough thing to get. Perhaps I’m a slow learner, but most of my life has been spent seeking a solution to the way things are. The search for transcendence and enlightenment is all about wanting things to be different. I’ve always assumed that if I looked long and hard enough, I would finally find someone or something with an explanation that would help me escape the pain and challenges of existence.

The answer–acceptance–had been there all along, but until recently I didn’t like that answer. I saw it as giving up or resigning oneself to a life of quiet desperation. I didn’t see it as the powerful tool it was, until recently. A convergence of a number of circumstances in my life had brought me to my knees leaving me with few other options, so I decided to give it a try.

And to my amazement, it worked. I began to feel glimmers of peace and contentment in ways that I never had previously. Instead of working hard to change the externals, I focused on changing my reactions and overall attitude. It made a huge difference. I shifted my viewpoint from seeing circumstances happening to me to simply happening.

It was as if I’d found a port in the storm, a place to be in the midst of the apparent chaos unfolding around me. A huge breakthrough, to be sure. However, there is also a trap here. There is a fine line between acceptance and complacency or acceptance and passivity, which goes back to what I wrote earlier: there is no arriving. Great, I can control my reactions and experience more peace and comfort in my life, but I cannot then get stuck in this neutral zone, hang out there avoiding and ups and downs.

To be truly awake and alive, we need to stretch; we need to break down the barriers of the familiar and the habitual on a regular basis. To do this requires coming out of our caves and putting ourselves deliberately in situations that keep us on our toes.

Think about it: where are you playing it safe? Hiding out? What are you avoiding? What limitations define your life and your being? To really look at this you need to take stock.� Make a list of things you believe you can’t do. See what that looks like. Beyond that you can make a list of things you ALWAYS think, feel or do and things you NEVER think, feel or do. You will� begin to discover how small your world is, how much of a box you live in.

Basically, if you’re not stretching on a regular basis, you’re not living. If you’re not trying new things, challenging yourself, scaring yourself and making yourself uncomfortable, you are living a limited life.

Muscles that aren’t stretched become toxic and stagnant. So do we when we don’t stretch. Acceptance and surrender and being in the present are all beautiful tools to create peace and equilibrium. But we also need movement and change and growth. For each of us this looks a little different. That’s what makes it so exciting.

Where are you willing to stretch?

Without change, and especially without movement, life grows stagnant. We cannot rest on the laurels of past achievements or actions. Old stale air will resuscitate no one. Water that has been sitting is not sustaining to life. Relationships without regular infusions of new energy wither.

Change is not like a bus. We cannot always stand around waiting for things to happen. Sometimes, we simple have to stir things up. Rattle the cage of our lives. Create some momentum. The movement alone can be a curative to the dead zones of our consciousness, jolting them into wakefullness again.

Sameness and predictability can be lulling in the ability to pull us into complacency and dullness.  We need some edges in our lives to keep us sharp and focused. So before we get slammed by the bus of unexpected change, it is far better to take off running into the abyss of the unknown. Do something, anything that is not the norm, that makes us nervous and uncomfortable. Give yourself a shot in the arm once in awhile, just to feel the rush of alertness pulsing through your veins again.

We can always count on things to change. We can hold onto nothing. When we’re suffering, this can bring us hope that the suffering will eventually pass. When we’re experiencing pleasure, this can trigger feelings of fear that we will lose what we have. But alas, you can’t have it both ways. Life is always moving, changing, growing and seeking the unknown, the fresh, the new. Better not to look back longingly at where we’ve been. Sure, mourn the passing and falling away of what was, but stay in the now with it. Hold it close to you for awhile, and then release it to fly into the ethers of time. Clinging to it will only delay your departure into the future.

Not easy to trust this transience.  It can leave us feeling a bit powerless and out of control. Like a strong wind that whips through and knocks things about, it’s force can be intimidating, revealing our smallness in the scheme of things. However, the humbling aspects of change are really only make worse by our rebellion against it. When we fight it, we tend to rail at it’s agenda, because we cannot how the whole thing is unfolding. We haven’t a clue how it’s ultimately going to play our. Our narrow little vision, keeps us in the dark, when big changes show up in our lives without forewarning.

Pulling the lens back a bit can remind us that we are part of the bigger dance of life, and our role is shifting to accommodate many layers of unseen dramas playing out on the large screen. Releasing our grasp so that we flow with it rather than against it, can reduce the number of bruises and complications along the way.

With time comes wisdom gained from experience, and eventually we begin to expect change, maybe even greet it at the door or even better, go looking for it. Because we can tell when we are no longer being fed by our current circumstances and we recognize the call to stir things up, move them around, rearrange them or even let them go completely.

There is something life affirming when you initiate change in your life. There may not even be an obvious reason to do it except that you haven’t done it for awhile. The process itself introduces you to aspects of your being that were dormant or buried under layers of other stuff, and are now finally coming to the surface for expression.

We are so much bigger than the narrowly defined boxes our lives reflect. So it can be absolutely rejuvenating to open all those doors and windows of our being again. The fresh air feels so good as it moves through the dank and stale rooms, the light penetrating the darkness.

The invitation to change your habits, routines, ways of thinking and being and doing is always there, it is just a matter of deciding when to heed this calling out to shed those dry layers of old dead skin, so that you can become pink and new and open again. Resurrection forever a metaphor for change, for replacing the old with the new, and rising out of the ashes of what has been burned down.

Life is change and renewal. The cells of our bodies mirror this constant death and birth cycle. So much change is happening without our even thinking about it. Kind of an interesting exercise then to take a moment and reflect on which aspects of our lives are stagnant and dead. What areas could use an infusion of energy or even an entire makeover?

The answers can either be exciting or terrifying…or a perhaps a little of both. Regardless, whether we initiate it or not, we can always count on things to change.

Life is a wonder and a mystery. We move through it under the strong illusion that we have some degree of control of it or at least our personal corner. On the surface at least, we don’t, and life does not hesitate to remind of this regularly.

But there is something deeper here…a paradox to be sure. There is a deep place within us that is connected to the Whole of ALL THAT IS. It is in this connection that we can tap into something deeper. This is the place where we can see the bigger picture and recognize the Divine Perfection all around us. It is the place where we can laugh at what is unfolding and not take it so seriously. This is also the place where we can get freed up of all of that drama and biographical, genetic, ancestral and societal baggage we keep dragging around with us.

As small children, we are powerfully imprinted by our early experiences, both good and bad. It is where our first impressions of love, relationships and the world are made. Depending on whether those early experiences were positive and uplifting or dark and traumatic or somewhere in between, they shape our perception and ways of navigating through the world.

If we grow up on a starvation diet devoid of much attention and affection, that becomes our normal because we don’t know what a full meal tastes like. Because it feels normal, we will tend to perpetuate that diet and attract people and circumstances into our lives that only partially feed us.

To stop carrying those early imprints with us, we need to heal and release the thoughts and beliefs about the world they created. Often they are so much a part of us, that we cannot even see them. But in spite of their invisibility, they shape and influence every decision we make.

For someone who is used to being deprived, learning to receive love and attention and affection, is a major healing event. It is a process of unwinding and unraveling all of those deeply ingrained ways of being, reacting and moving and opening the channel for a new level of aliveness.

In order to do what it believes will keep us safe, our subconscious sabotages all of our desires and needs and deep cravings to grow and change. This saboteur affects everything we do. To really heal these subterranean levels of fear, we need to connect with something greater. To reduce the imagined threat of releasing our old way of being, we need to remember who we are.

This is nothing short of dying to what was and being reborn to what is. It is where we will find real freedom. It is where we will find our authentic voice. It is where we will learn what it means to be alive.

We, perhaps for the first time, will be back in the driver’s seat of our lives, rather than feeling like some rogue part of ourselves is behind the wheel.

This is not really about control, but rather surrender and allowing and being with what is at a very high level of acceptance. Control is about the need to survive. When we begin to taste freedom, we no longer feel in danger and so no longer need to control things. We are no longer out of alignment with what is before us and what is unfolding. The feeling of being out of sync was simply all that noise from our subconscious trying to survive what it perceived to be a very confusing world.

There are many modalities that allow us to release our early scripts and beliefs. When we are ready to really let go, we will find them.

In the meantime, take a look at your circumstances and relationships. Notice any repeating themes or patterns? Feelings of powerlessness and frustration? A sense of moving ten steps forward and two back? A gnawing feeling of being victimized, but with no clue how to shake the feeling or change your circumstances?

That’s it. Keep paying attention to it. Call it forth from the shadows into the light of day. Watch what happens when a little bit of awareness creeps in. The power and intensity starts to diminish. Exposure is half the battle.

It’s as if you’ve discovered a few stowaways living inside of you…long-term house guests, and it’s time to show them the door.

For that you may need help, because these squatters aren’t usually so keen on leaving. They will do anything to convince you they are helping you and that you cannot survive without them. An objective person can help you to hold steady and not be swayed or undermined by such tactics.

Sometimes you have to sneak up on them and trick them into leaving. Whatever it takes, whatever modalities you choose, by all means stand firm. Give them a hug, thank them for serving you, but don’t forget to lock the door once they’re gone.

Life essentially gives us what we ask for. How do we ask? By what we put forth. Everything that leaves our circle of being…and I do mean everything—our thoughts, emotions, judgments, beliefs—comes back around in some way. We are all connected and there is no place in that field of connection to hide. If we soil the ocean of existence, there is no way to escape accountability for that.

It’s taken me a good many years and many hard life lessons to realize that life has certain rules of operation and the sooner we align with those rules, the easier our lives become. Those rules include showing up to do our part, being fully accountable for ALL of our actions and keeping our corner of existence clean. A tall order, indeed.

Spiritual maturity is not about finding easy answers to life’s problems. It is about meeting what is head on without resistance, embracing it fully with all of its confusion and chaos. It’s also about knowing that life is always a reflection of what is happening inside of us on ALL levels, both conscious and unconscious.

Many people on the spiritual path make the mistake of thinking that prayer and affirmations are enough to shifts things in their lives and the lives of their loved ones. But it takes more than that. Showing up is a big part of manifestation. In order to attract what we want into our lives, we need to demonstrate our desire and willingness to receive it through our actions. It is a way of meeting life halfway. We cannot complain that things are missing from our lives if we aren’t willing to put ourselves forth to meet these things fully. Hiding out in our habitual comfort zones, and then wondering why our lives are so full of lack, makes no sense, but that’s what most of us do. We passively wait for the good to show up for us.

To spiritually mature, we also need to put our attention on our accountability. Many of us are conscientious when it comes to our behavior in the world, but lazy when it comes to our thoughts and emotions and what comes out of our mouths. This won’t fly because everything that moves from us, touches everyone else and eventually comes back and touches us. If you knew that when you spoke a sharp word about someone, it traveled from you and pierced another, would you be so willing to let it go? If you knew that the reason you felt pain at a given time was due to that same sharp word you sent out, would you still allow yourself to be the originator of that pain?

Of course not. But most of us have not cultivated an awareness of that level of accountability yet. If we had, our conversations with others would be quite different, as would our conversations with ourselves.

Finally, how do we clean things up if we do make a mess? It’s quite simple: honesty and forgiveness. Being honest with ourselves and others, taking responsibility and then apologizing for our part in the mess cleans it up. We don’t have to beat ourselves up or even hold onto the mistake, except to receive the lesson it imparts. Rather, it is really only necessary to see it, acknowledge it, clean it up, forgive ourselves and then MOVE ON.

There is nothing to be gained by lingering in the mess. As we move through this process of cleaning things up, we will find ourselves far more forgiving and compassionate when others make a mess. This creates all kinds of space and openness around us and then there is finally room for the good stuff: love, joy, peace, etc.

The magic of life comes in when we embrace life and ourselves fully, messiness and all.

Growing up sounds terribly dull and boring, but in fact it is quite the opposite. All of that mess that we were unconsciously creating was in fact blocking all the good things we’ve been seeking. It created distractions and constant fires to put out. When we begin to take responsibility for the mess and clean it up, this allows us to clear the channel so that we can receive what has always been there. It allows us to become childlike and look at life with wonder again.

My sense is that we will also have much more access to the parts of ourselves that are mostly dormant and unused…the parts of us that are able to transcend time and space. Most of us have had glimpses of that, and the possibilities are endless and tremendously exciting.

But I’m getting ahead of myself…

I’ve been speaking to friends of mine about why life seems so hard much of the time, and through a circuitous route, we ended up with a number of conclusions, none entirely satisfying. People’s theories ranged from, “none of this is real” to “your outer world is a reflection of your inner world” to “suffering and struggle are necessary” to all theories in between.

Even those of us who put lots of attention on the meaning of life seem baffled most of the time. No amount of our intricate story-weaving really even touches the mysteries of life nor answers our demands for an explanation.

I’ve always cultivated a fantasy that somewhere, sometime I would meet someone who would tap me on the shoulder and point me in the direction of the Truth. That like Dorothy and her friends in the Wizard of Oz, the man behind the curtain would be outed.

I suppose the not-knowing is what keeps life interesting and magical. The uncertainty keeps us in the game. But, and most would agree, sometimes, it is just all too much. Sometimes, I’m just tired. Moving through the density of the 3-D feels like a trudge through the mud, and once in a while — without the help of mind altering substances or the nightly out of body forays of the dreamstate — I’d like to have the sensation of flowing freely through and with it (sober AND awake).

The best I’ve come up with so far is to not resist what is. Rather, I just let myself fall into what’s happening in the moment…fully and completely, until I’m so in it, I don’t differentiate myself from it. I merge into it with a full out embrace and trust. Seated in the Is-ness, I am gifted with periods of real peace and even joy, but not what I would call freedom. Sorry, but that’s what I’m really going for. Sadly, I think that’s the one thing I cannot really have. At least not in the way I imagine it.

Being here on this plane of existence doesn’t appear to be about freedom or transcendence or nirvana. If it is, it certainly isn’t the easiest door to open. Believe me, I’ve tried, and paradoxically, it is that trying that has led to my failure. It seems as though the very act of wanting and seeking and desiring a way out of the limitations of physically existence, actually seals the door even tighter, whereas, letting go of the need for things to be different, being with all that is as it is, tends to crack it open just a hair.

In other words, if you’re here, be here. Death is your ticket out. Life has a built in exit plan. Knowing that, wouldn’t you want to hang out here and see what happens next? Besides, how do you or I know that once we die, we aren’t lining up to come right back? How do we know this isn’t one of the coolest places in existence to incarnate?

On the other hand, it could also be a prison matrix where we’ve been sent to learn some heavy-duty lessons as part of some kind of karmic debt. Or even further down that line of thinking, we could be prisoners with no real reason behind our imprisonment other than we were in the wrong place at the wrong time. In that model, those of us looking for an escape would be considered heroes.

This illusiveness and speculation is precisely the problem. Like a kaleidoscope, our experience of life shifts depending on how you look at it. Turn it one way and it looks like a cosmic dance filled with divine blessings and opportunities. Turn it another way, and it looks like a cruel, painful phenomenon filled with unnecessary hardship and suffering. Turn it again, and it falls somewhere in the middle and looks like the most ordinary thing in the world.

Maybe it’s all of those things, plus more. Perhaps we’ll never really know what this is all about. Maybe that’s a good thing.

I don’t know…personally, I don’t think I’ll ever stop looking for answers or wondering what’s around the next corner. Maybe that’s a good thing, too.

One of the best ways to penetrate through the mundane states of being is to step back and question why we do the things we do. What is it that compels us to follow a set of rules that oftentimes costs us dearly in terms of our freedom and autonomy and authenticity?

We conform because it typically serves the greater good, even if it inconveniences us. For the most part, this works. However, sometimes rules simply cease to work or never worked in the first place and need to be looked at and changed. Instead, they are held to because people fear change or get stuck in the “this is the way we’ve always done it” mentality.

My father questioned our man-made rules, often to an extreme. In fact, he perpetuated a mythology that fostered a family-held belief that we were above the rules and were entitled to special treatment. His argument was simply that because a select group of human beings made the rules without consulting the rest of us, we had a right to challenge those rules or disobey them altogether. Again and again, my sisters and I witnessed him refusing to wear a tie and jacket into restaurants that required it and paying heavy traffic fines for “forgetting” to renew his license and registration. He never went anywhere without his radar detector. If there was traffic on the highway, he would simply drive on the shoulder. Once when he locked his keys in a rental car, instead of calling the rental company or the police to help him get into the car, he simply grabbed a hammer and broke the window. Patience was not a virtue of his.

My father just didn’t think the rules applied to him. About his own death, he used to say, “I’m not leaving.” About that he was wrong – he died in 1980 in a fatal car crash.

This sense of entitlement, this assumption that we have a pass and can get away with things that others can’t doesn’t work. Even with an extended grace period or a long lucky streak, rule breaking catches up with you. Believe me, I know. This lesson has come up and slapped me and my sisters in the face many times.

While I’m not advocating blinding following the herd and being a sheeple, what I am saying is there are no shortcuts. Yes, we need to become conscious of our actions and our thoughts, but we must respect the fact that we live in a 3-D world that is governed by both natural laws and man-made rules. Perhaps in an evolved state of consciousness, we can transcend both. However, we have to be careful not to ASSUME we are in that evolved state when in fact we’re not, because there will be consequences. We may think we’re getting away with something, but skirting responsibility for our actions has an insipid way of catching up with us, either immediately and directly or karmically, with a bit of a delay. Either way, if we don’t hold ourselves accountable, we will eventually get caught with our pants down.

Life has a way of calling us to task when we try and run from facing certain aspects of ourselves. It can be humiliating and painful to have to face our own delusions, but on the other side is a cleaner type of freedom, which doesn’t require being on the run to maintain it.

So it’s about a healthy balance. On one end of the spectrum you have blind obedience and on the other end you have a kind of reckless “anything goes” abandon. Somewhere in the middle is an awake person who questions the way things are while at the same time navigating through life with respect for oneself and others. On that rare occasion, we can find ourselves with a get out of jail free pass. But these kinds of passes are not something to count on or live by, just appreciate them when they do come.

The rest of the time, we’re on our own.