photo by Liz Labunski
What is it about detours and dead-ends that are so appealing? Why keep returning to the same old territory? Could it be the lesson wasn’t learned? Apparently so, and the cycle, the repetitions continue endlessly as we run to find shelter again from the Truth.
We continue to believe that we can hide out, avoid, and escape the inevitable exposure of the lies we’ve successfully dodged through delicate maneuvering and gentle side-stepping, until at last, we’re cornered, the grace period is up and we must come face to face with Reality.
No matter how much we think we know or how far we’ve evolved, this universal pattern haunts our days, our wandering through life, calling up our debt and holding us accountable for the gifts we’ve reaped without paying. Our in-authenticity is an insidious form of cheating, because our purpose here, whether we like it or not, is to grow and we can either volunteer for the lessons as they emerge or we can wait until they come in hard and fast and turn us and our lives upside down.
Knowing the way this works helps, but doesn’t necessarily make it any easier. The amnesia and forgetting are constant companions lulling us into complacency about our life purpose, until something dramatic happens to make us question the meaning of it all, again. Life has our attention, for the moment; until crisis resolved, we think we can go underground again unobserved. We think we can skirt the lesson by simply “fixing” the problem or the symptoms. But, no, unless we hear the meaning of this crisis, unless we submerge ourselves into the opportunity for growth, another lesson, often more difficult, appears on the horizon, lurking there until it is time to strike.
This is the way growth works. Underneath the surface of our individual lives is a powerful investment by Life for us to grow and awaken to our true Nature. This is probably the reason behind the perception of God as a punishing and judgmental God, because Life is relentless in its pursuit of the highest good for us and the people around us, no mater what it takes. Those who take heed to this call for growth are only a little better off than those who don’t, because there is no difference in the requirement for growth. Being aware of it can actually make it more painful. The benefit is that within a moment of grace or clarity, this awareness can allow you to shift from feeling victimized by it to a state of acceptance.
Non-resistance is the greatest tool anyone can have on this journey–neither fighting nor running from whatever experiences Life throws at you. Lining up to it, accepting it, meeting it and embracing it all serves to lessen its ability to move you off center. In fact, if you truly welcome it, it may simply pass you by like a strong wind.
A stance of non-seeking and non-striving gives you an even greater advantage over Life’s lessons. It is a pain reliever because it removes, to some degree, the element of pain and suffering that is directly connected to clinging and attachment. It also relieves a great deal of efforting. Being receptive to what is opens the way for manifestation through the vacuum of receptivity. Your life becomes a container that is ready to receive your heart’s desires, which can be attracted into your life by setting intentions and then following the guidance given to allow you to receive.
Acceptance and receptivity have a softness about them. The hard edges become smoother when we stop fighting the way it is and listen.
We need to see ourselves as students and Life as our Teacher. The lessons can only be heard if we take the time to become still and listen. If we take it upon ourselves to ignore this Teacher–when we decide to take matters of learning into our own hands and outline our own lesson plan and when we decide what and when and from whom we should be learning–the cost to us is dear and the consequences dire.
The dilemma is that we have a tendency to hold onto lessons that are outmoded or inappropriate for our growth or are saturated with too many other people’s ideas for us. We hold onto them because of old habits and beliefs and ways of thinking. They are familiar and comfortable and make us feel safe and secure. We may even feel a strong inner nudge to put them down, but we resist because we like our way of doing things, and we don’t want things to change.
This is a grave mistake, because try as we might, the harder we cling, the more it will feel as though it’s being torn away when a sudden change forces us to let go. It’s best if we hold everything in our lives more loosely. Change is inevitable and far better for us to seek it out and meet it at the door, than wait until we have no choice about it.
Letting Life guide us and teach us allows us to live with less struggle. It is akin to navigating down a river — some of it will be calm and peaceful and some of it will be white water rapids. We can’t expect the highs and lows, the ups and downs to last, so it is better to be okay with however it is.
Sounds okay on paper, but to put into practice is a whole other ballgame. In the midst of any major growth lesson in life, we may feel as though our entire lives are on the line or at least our sanity. Everything may seem to be unraveling at once and we are simply falling through space with nothing to hold onto. Everything we’ve ever known goes sailing past us and we can no longer define ourselves by our association with it. We have to be willing to be born again and again, fall down the rabbit hole in one place and come up in an entirely different place.
Not all growth lessons are this radical. Some changes are smaller and more gradual. But others, the life-altering ones we remember that stretch us beyond our wildest dreams, tend to split us open at the core and turn us inside out, purifying and purging us from top to bottom, a kind of spiritual colonic.
But, as with a violent storm that thrashes and tears up the earth, a quiet and beautiful calm always follows, making the intensity seem dream-like and surreal and leaving us questioning its existence.
We may seek out comfort in friends, but often they are experiencing a different life lesson and they may only be able to offer us a temporary band-aid — they cannot do the work for us. It’s a solo journey. Friends and lovers, teachers and family can provide some solace, a shoulder to cry on or some kind words, but unless they have experienced the same life lesson, the comfort will only go so far.
Far better to find souls who are in the midst of the same lesson, and if we’re open life will bring these people into our lives at just the right time. What happens then is a deep recognition and communion, which will allow for deep healing. Our souls sync up and we walk together and support each other through the lesson.
But, there is a risk here. We have to be careful not to become dependant on these other soul beyond our need for connection. The lesson is still a personal and private one, that though it can be shared and the burden lessened through our sharing, it is still a road we ultimately have to walk alone.
The key is to be imbued with and embody this support and let it be a reminder that we are truly never alone. Our suffering makes us human and binds us to each other. Our vulnerability opens our hearts and makes us receptive to others’ pain. But we cannot let ourselves fall into this support and make ourselves at home there or use it as a place to hide out.
Again, our purpose is to grow. We can stop and rest along the way, but the journey must continue. Lest we make the mistake of forgetting this and jump into another’s field of being as a mode of retreat, we will fall into the old trap and the next lesson may very well be having that person yanked right out of our lives.
So, what to do? Let Life teach us and guide us. Learn to follow instead of lead. This doesn’t mean being passive. Rather, it means letting go of our need to control and direct the show. We’re really nothing more than players in a very large drama being played out. This doesn’t mean that we relinquish the passions in our hearts. No, the drama is based on each individual expression of those passions. The trick is in knowing how to express those feelings through the part we’ve been given. To get out of the way and let the very essence of who we are move through us and move us to action. Letting it happen through us. Life becomes magical this way.
Imagine a play in which all the actors tried to direct the dialog and scenes and actions. It would be total chaos. The same is true with an orchestra. The symphony happens when there is one conductor who leads and the musicians follow. Each is important to the whole; each plays their own notes, but under the direction of one, they make a sound that is not chaotic but symphonic.
Life is like this. Our lives become chaotic when we all become frantic in trying to direct things. We don’t listen long enough to learn our individual parts and see how they can integrate and make music with the whole. This is why our lives are so stressful, too much doing, too much interference, too much static and not enough tuning into the bigger picture that is trying to unfold through us.
Most of the time, we rush through things and miss the small details and messages and opportunities life gifts to us. We are so busy getting from here to there, trying to keep up with the endless tasks in front of us, we rarely take time to really see what is right in front of us. It is then that Life seems to hit us with a sledgehammer. From one viewpoint, it appears that this may be the only way that Life can get through to us, so deep is our sleep and our hurrying. We’ve all had conversations with someone who seemed to busy and distracted that we didn’t feel they’d heard a word we said. Entire chunks of life are missed this way. Many people who have had a near brush with death come out of it with a strong awareness of the preciousness of life. Their priorities shift, they take time to really soak in all that life has to offer, whereas before they took it for granted. The key is to not wait for life to bring us right up next to death for us to make this shift.
This way of viewing life is not often spoke about. The qualities of being are discussed, but viewing Life as an Intelligent Teacher is not. Having a relationship with this teacher is usually framed as connecting with Source or God, which is fine, but it can sometimes limit and confuse things. We have so many concepts about God and so few about life that I personally think that talking about Life is more expansive and inclusive.
What detours and dead-ends are showing up in your life? Where do you feel that you’re stuck in a revolving door? What invitation to change something has appeared recently that you’re doing your best to avoid?
You know the answers. They’re right there. You know what’s up for you right now, where you’re being called out. You have a choice: to continue to say no and continue to go down one-way dead-end streets or say yes and welcome the lessons and opportunities that Life gives you. They were designed just for you, down to every detail, every person you meet, every book you read, every opportunity presented to you, including the words you are reading right now.
So what’ll it be? Yes or no?
