I work with people and organizations to help them communicate better. What I’ve discovered is that issues connected with communication run far deeper than cleaning up a sentence or two. So much is lost in the translation between what is said and what is heard, it seems to me that communication with words is more of a hindrance that blocks connection rather than a medium that fosters it.

We stumble over our words. We hold back, and through our dishonesty, send an avalanche of mixed messages wherever we go. Is it any wonder why we feel so disconnected and confused?

Words can be powerful tools; they can also be dangerous weapons. They can soothe and heal; they can also slice and burn. They can build bridges or destroy structures. It is all a matter of how they are used and the intention of the user.

There are so many issues around our communication with others. The lack of accountability I’ve witnessed lately with email, voicemail, text messages and even appointments is mind blowing. I’ve had people–more than I care to admit–simply not return my emails, calls and texts, and think nothing of it. Recently, I’ve also had people simply not show for a lunch date or a party I’m giving, in spite of promising to be there. After following up with them to make sure they were okay, all I got were a list of excuses.

It reminds me of something Werner Erhard, the founder of the est training said years ago, “The world doesn’t work when people don’t keep their agreements.” It doesn’t.

Unfortunately, most of us don’t take responsibility for our actions OR our communication (or lack of) with others. I think we’ve gotten rather lazy and careless and pretty damned unconscious about what we do and say. We tell ourselves that it’s not important or doesn’t matter or even we don’t matter. But it ALL MATTERS!

Another issue with our communication is that we don’t say what we really mean. We edit and censor ourselves, unceasingly because we’re more interested in fitting in and not rocking the boat than speaking our truth. What does impact does this have? The world is filled with people who are busy misrepresenting themselves. We are getting by on half-truths. We have handicapped our ability to really connect with each other, to really see and hear and express ourselves. Instead, we present the world with a homogenized, sanitized, pre-digested version of ourselves and then wonder why we feel so lonely and empty. We also see that being presented by others and wonder why we feel as though we don’t really know them.

To know someone and to really be known with nothing in the way means putting the stories down, and just being with each other exactly as we are. It means really seeing, listening to and rejoicing in another. And letting them do the same with you. This stops the starvation and allows you both to know what it is to be nourished by another.

Language can be a barrier to real communication. To minimize that, use your body and heart and senses to communicate more fully with another. Exchange looks and feelings and gestures, and let the words follow.

Words will never replace hugs or a touch on the arm, nor should they. All must work in tandem, but in this age of growing technology, when many relationships are virtual, my fear is that words alone are becoming the medium of choice. As we shorten what we say into little abbreviations, acronyms and sound bites, we risk losing all the subtle nuances that face to face communication gives us, along with the subsequent meaning and substance in our relationships.

Will this dependence on technology ultimately be our Tower of Babel rendering us deaf, dumb and worst of all blind to our own fate?

This entry was posted on Sunday, September 14th, 2008 at 1:35 pm and is filed under Awareness, Perception. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.